Musings on Life

Is it Just a Delusion?

My life isn’t quite where it needs to be. I am working on myself. I think. I hope. Well, okay maybe not the way it should be. I am confused, scared and want things back the way they were. Very, very badly.

I’m not entirely sure it’s not all my fault, I am however sure that what is happening is I am in a very big mess, and it’s NOT. Just. Me. Excuses were made, everyone had their reasons, and it all went to a hell in a hand basket as it were.

Not a compass will help me and if it did, it certainly wouldn’t be a good thing… since the compass is completely and utterly destroyed. Now, that was a part of me, and yup, the inner work will need to be done, and I’ll have to do more self-reflection.

Is it a delusion to want to go back to the past?

This is the problem I am facing. My past is in theory my past. Replaying it doesn’t help me, and try as I might it’s not good that I relive it. Yet, as I am learning rather slowly, it’s not the past that has me by the body, and mind, it’s the negative thoughts the lack of boundaries.

Is it a delusion to think you can grow?

No, more that self-reflection and knowing that you want to grow and want to change. It’s a delusion if you won’t change and won’t do the hard work.

Right now, it’s learning about the hard work and getting out of many of the challenges I am putting myself in.