Self-Publishing? Is It A Great Divide? Part 9 of 12

Welcome to all who are new, and a big thanks to all who come here regularly. Before you go and try to comment with a rather nasty tone, please be advised I’m only trying to get a really strong point across using a bit of fun.

I wrote my wonderful first draft. Man, it’s the most awesome story ever written. It’s the best! It’s got some romance, and mystery and thriller into it. It’s fantastic. It’s politically correct so there are the same number of strong female characters as there are strong male characters. It’s one of the best stories ever written. I gotta I really really really send it out!

I mean who can resits this draft. I’ll just mass email some agents and I should get a response back really really really quick. (Waits taping finger on desk, checking email every five, no every minute.) Nobody’s responding. Okay why aren’t they.

(Many days later…) I’ve got so many rejections. This is bad. Maybe I should check my story. Hm, perhaps some work. (edits a few paragraphs, and fixes the “structure”) okay, done, but well the plot can be fixed a bit more, but that is what editors are for right? They’ll do my work for me. I’ll send it out again. ( A bit more careful this time, and not mass email.) waits… wait some more.

More rejection letters. None personalized. Okay i;ll leave it for a couple of days. (Goes out and complains to friends about lack of support from traditional publishers. My work is great! great I tell you! Great!!!! Friends who write roll eyes… Is this your first attempt at a novel…well I suppose, why? did you edit? no. should I? resounding yes.)

Grumble grumble grumble, edit edit, complain and complain. My work is good, I fixed the spelling mistakes and the plot sounds a bit better. Okay so there’s still 30 main characters, but they are vital to my work! yes, yes yes they are. I need, positively need, all these characters. You can’t ask me to kill them off. ( Goes to bed and sobs in pillow.)

So what is a poor writer to do? I’ve done basic editing, some plot redesigns and, and woe is me! no responses if there are they are ejection letters. These people don’t even have the courtesy to send out personalized informative ones! Oh, what I am to do?

Maybe I’ll google on the Internet. Oh look maybe self-publishing. I can do that. They’ll see they’ll see I will do that! ( Goes to the first self-publishing site out there and orders the most expensive package money can buy… never mind the budget!) I got my contract and now, they will do all the work. I’ll have an honest to good book out there and everyone will buy it. I just need to sit back and relax. Money will flow in I can see it now. Yep, all this for a few days of work.

( book is published, is on amazon… getting reviews.) What What’s this? Nobody’s is buying my wonderful book. Why oh why is this? It’s so good. Let me see the reviews. None of my friends have bothered to write a review. Look I got a review… OH MY GOD NO! one lousy star?? No plot, the are to many characters, doesn’t this person know a great book? Wouldn’t buy my book doesn’t recommend it? well, never mind. It will sell. I know it will. Just don’t panic contact all friends to get the book reviewed with good reviews, and then, then it will sell. it’s okay just a bit of work.

( friends read it. Don’t finish it, and don’t review it.. more reviews some really negative and some with helpful suggestions.) I can’t bear it. They just don’t understand. It took me weeks, no months to write first draft, and than weeks to edit. How can they say this? I am a wonderful writer. These readers are the ones who can’t read, they don’t know a good thing if it hit them in the face!

( Over drinks goes and complains to friends about it.) I just don’t understand you read it. wait what’s that look you did read it right? The free copy I gave you? what do you mean NO? it was bad? why oh why didn’t you tell me! you did (sounds deflated.) oh, well I suppose I could reedit it… make a plot? there is a plot. guy meets girls and they save the world. That’s a plot! it is! Okay, since you seem to think I could get this published by a traditional publisher what do I need to do.

( IS told what really needs to be done. I look of both shock horror cross face) You mean I’ve done it all wrong? If i do the thing you suggest.. fine things, many many things. Will it get more books sold. Oh, what about self-publishing, I know now it doesn’t can’t and wont’ ever work. They don’t help you. What do you mean i have to help myself? Oh you mean self-publishing might work, just I didn’t do anything… to help myself. Aw… I can’t believe it!

Now, stop laughing.

My Question for you today is this: At what point (and there are many) should this person have looked to themselves as the cause of all their misery?