On Being An Out Writer
A few days ago, I was relaxing with a few friends of mine, and they asked me how my life has been, and what I have done in the last year. I can say it has been a very life-changing year for me, and for the person I’ve become. One of the biggest changes was my willingness to be open, and to be honest. Most of my readers on Living a Life of Writing will recall I made the personal choice to ‘be out’ in the writing community. I had expected some people would not be pleased, I’m LGBT and proud to be a part of the community, but even I didn’t expect the backlash from this post.
Because of this post, I was put into a position where I had to look at what some had said. Some, I could dismiss very easily, and others were very hurtful- on both a personal and professional level. I can understand this is still an issue which causes division. I expected the inevitable loss of followers, but I never expected to feel like a complete failure as a writer and a human. I had to think long and hard about where I wanted to go as a writer. I had to be comfortable with who I am, before I could become a better writer.
Part of the challenge of being a writer and a lesbian is I am judged not only on my writing, but on who I am as a person. I am not only responsible to myself, but my writing is given more scrutiny and is open to more criticism than if I was simply a “writer” (there is nothing about simply being a writer, it’s more based on the idea people see your work and not you.) Social networking has both helped and hindered my ability to become better as a writer. Your ego can take a hit time and again because there are always critics, and should they know facts about you, they can be even more deadly. Having some networks in place helped a lot.
With Twitter and Facebook there were some, but not a lot of relationships I developed that helped me through this difficult time. I wanted to quit writing, and I wanted to quit a lot of things. Judgements can hurt the soul, or it can force a person to look and see if there is a grain of truth in what people have said. The reality is there is a grain of truth to what the people who argued I wasn’t a great writer.
I looked back at one of my first posts and found myself laughing, a good heartfelt laugh at this rather overly positive post. I was rather naive in thinking the creative journey of a writer wouldn’t change me as a person, and I have to say I’m glad I was wrong. All good things, like being naive, must end, and over time it did.
This naive mentality ended completely when I posted that ‘coming out’ post, it proved how much I had changed as a person. I wasn’t just a writer, I was someone whom people hated, and made it clear this was exactly how they felt- it was painfully hard, and it helped me. On reflection, it forced me to become a better writer. It forced me to see the depths of pain, and it forced me to confront the truths I tried to hide from others. I had ‘come out’ to close friends and family many years before, and in general, most didn’t care or get mad at me. I expected much the same reaction from my readers. In a way, I had to prove to my readers I am a good writer.
I also had to prove time and again I am willing to fix mistakes, because there will be those who will (and have) said my writing is good, but they don’t want to critique- because of who I am. Others see no problems in ripping me down to my soul to see me fall. Being a writer is like that, you take the good with the bad, and you grow- with a lot of pain.
Being a writer who is ‘out’ just simply means more of my views are judged and looked at differently. Some people assume I write and then lead a very different life from other writers- that it is something I will give up on- a phase if you will. I don’t, but I’ve learned the concept of becoming a better writer. I am who I am, but I can always be better in many different parts of my life.
Part of being out means facing the truth about yourself as a person and a writer, you’ve got to be 10X better otherwise you will give up too easily. There are many times when my lack of communication has come back to haunt me, but there are as many times when I can see my communication has improved when I accepted parts of myself I wouldn’t normally try to understand.
Being out does not mean I have no friendships with men, rather they take on a new meaning for me. As a writer, I have to ask questions, and learn and grow. I’ve learned the art of seeing the world through different eyes – and with my male friends, who are more open to ‘telling it like it is’, because they understand I am just me, a writer, a friend, a part-time counsellor, a lesbian, and a human, – I will always be learning and growing.
Being a writer who is out means I have to grow and be better as both a writer and a person. This is what I was able to tell my writing friends that day. I am better as a writer because I am who I am and I am willing to be more than what I was.
22 Comments
Patrice
Vous n'êtes pas une personne que je veux avoir près de moi, vous ne comprenez pas que tu es laid à l'intérieur et combien mal que vous faites pour les gens que vous dites que vous vous souciez. Ils vous détestent.
Anonymous
Sad when a thing like you is liked by others. You're just sad.
Anonymous
je ne vois pas pourquoi tout le monde devrait être fier de vous- pathétique
Robert
what the hell sort of mental nutcase wants you as a friend? guys just playin you- they hate you!
Amy
go and be better! Always supported you!
John
you: Immoral is having no morality, being wicked and evil. You are immoral you are, you know what society considers right and wrong, yet your do wrong anyway.
Sewicked
Being a lesbian writer should be no different than being a Canadian writer, or a Chinese-American writer, a 70-year-old writer, or a 17-year-old writer, or even a middle-aged white male writer. It is part of who you are and it informs your writing. I feel sorry for anyone who says differently.
Anonymous
I love your writing, you've done wonders with it over the last while, and it's great to see you back and in your groove.
I'm a Christian, and the rest I can't agree with- it's against the word of Jesus. You're wrong as a person, a flawed human, and you are sinning. As a person you need to find help against your destructive lifestyle- you can chose the word of Jesus- he will find you a man to love you no matter how much youre sinned.
Alexandr
You not find man- you don't know how to write, you so cruel to men. You don't have man friend. Sad.
Write is good, you write well. How come you can't benormal?
Anonymous
Do you have some sort of mental illness? Is this reason you like women? If you get help you can be well.
You write good, you have long posts and talent, you seem smart.
Alan
Pourquoi vous sentez-vous mal pour être un bon écrivain? Vous avez écrit pendant de nombreuses années. Je ne aime pas ce que vous écrivez, vous devez continuer à écrire pour vous protéger contre ces abrutis qui semblent prendre «fierté» à vous mettre bas. Le mieux votre écriture est, moins ces gens vont vous faire mal.
Anonymous
How can you be proud at all of yourself? How can you live with your truth? It's poison, you're nothing. You have a disease, you hurt people, you destroy people with your lifestyle. You show hate and evil. It's against nature who you are. you have no DNA shared, so you will never be immortal. Shame!
David
You are a wonderful person and friend. And you are a great writer.
Ignore these other rude and nasty comments.
These people keep twisting the bible to serve their needs.
Remember that part about not passing judgment?
Take that to heart people.
Before you criticize a wonderful woman like Rebecca, look at your own lives.
She is a very good friend and an honorable person.
His friends know how lucky they are to have her as a friend
anna garbetta
We see and hate/love in others WHAT BELONGS TO OURSELVES BUT WE REFUSE TO RECOGNIZE.
Anna Maria Aurora Garbetta
Rebecca A Emrich
I shall continue to write, and continue to blog on living a life of writing. I am grateful to my supporters who have taken a moment to encourage a fellow writer.
Anonymous
Make this 2015 huge and publish a bestseller. Prove them wrong
Liz Mallory
You're a fantastic writer. From one queer writer to another–good for you 🙂 Go and make us proud, with a bestseller, or a manuscript you hide in your closet, either way. Just write, and that writing will mean something, to you, to your readers, however many there are. Those are the people who matter. That writing will shape you and bring good things to light for you.
Rebecca A Emrich
Liz- Yes, and from one queer writer back- I will and so shall you- because we are important and people who have something to say and publish.
Let's make 2015 all good.
Anonymous
evil person. you are such an evil person, you suck as a writer, you can't even publish.
Anonymous
I can't believe they let you write online- I can't believe they let you even say these horrid things! you have little support, you should be ashamed.
Anonymous
can't make it as a writer, can't make it as a human. You will fail at everything. because you don't have backing, you hurt others by this. You have no morals. You have no friends and support. Go away.
Lois
appalled by so many of these comments, it's *these* people who should be ashamed. I don't think anyone who writes with you agrees with them! I hope one day one of them will tell them all off.