We’ve all had some very critical days. Maybe even months and years where one goes into a self reflective mode and doesn’t want to come out of it.
I’m sure it’s not only in writing, but in all aspects of life. It’s hard when what you want isn’t what you really want to work for. When the whole process of whatever you might be doing is too much all at once or too hard to do. I’m sure, since everyone is human, that at some point something in the ride of fun and passion you feel it… the self-doubt, the worry the fear. Maybe it’s the fact that in your mind you have not hit that ‘holy grail’ of that huge goal you set yourself up for.
You lose the drive you once had and you’re not too sure how to come back to it- and you let the excuses begin.
I know, I’ve been there and I’m trying to slowly get out of that mode. The fear mode, which in my case is the fear of publishing and blogging. I know- I can hear you- wait a moment, isn’t your blog titled: Living a Life of Writing? Yes, and it is just that. Part of life is facing the good time and the bad times- for example, my low point was 2016, and there I only posted three blog posts. A true low, which was in part due to my frame of mind. I loved writing. I loved blogging, the feel of the words flowing out and then the magic of pushing the melody of them around to make it better, all for my blog readers.
I love doing this, I love writing.
I didn’t have the drive to push past what was blocking my writing from point A to point B. Maybe it’s a good thing that I count 2017 as a victory, at this point publishing and blogging is more about the small steps back to my health and joy as a blogger and writer. I know it’s not much but currently there are eight (8) blog post this year. I plan to do more. I’m not afraid that be it one more or three more I’ve not failed.
Blogging isn’t about the feelings I have for myself, rather publishing a blog is more of a means to express ideas and build from there. The slow process of rebuilding a blog? It’s slow, but it’s not a failure. I’m not a failure as a writer, or a blogger, all that taking more time to reflect means that I am able to see the small steps, the small moments of victory. I don’t feel that I am a failure because there is less than double digit blog posts, rather I feel that I’ve overcome my fears.
I love blogging.
I’m fine with one reader or several. I am content if my blog is big or small. I am happy on my journey. I’m not afraid of failure, because I’ve seen that failure, and I’ve seen what it can do. I’m not proud that I failed, but I am a different person because I did. I’m more hopeful of blogging. I’m sure I wouldn’t have done a writing challenge this year if I was still feeling the way I felt about publishing and blogging.
So why come back to square one?
Why not erase the bad? Because it’s ‘my bad’ it’s a bit of me in every blog post I have written. Good or bad, published or in draft, it is a small piece of me inside a very large world. My blog is still mine, it’s also, when published, a little thank you to everyone who has kept the faith that this writer would come back, even all the way back to square one, and try, try, and maybe hope again.