Here’s a bit of Fun!

Let’s look at first and second attempts shall we?

Version A:

Addy positively knew Kingly was nuts and at the least he needed to be punched in the nose. She figured after everything he put her through, she should be the one to get the first punch. Imaging her fist hitting his perfect nose caused her to laugh heartily. She sat on a stump in the middle of a green meadow, breathing deeply. Hundreds of exotic flowers bloomed throughout the glen, giving off a gentle scent. The breeze flowing through them made them wave slightly. Addy knew she couldn’t even name them all. Except one. The white lily; it trumpet petals giving off its distinctive sweet overpowering scent.
She found the softly moving flowers peaceful today. Carefully scanning the rest of the meadow she knew further out lay waving green grasses, further still large hills with a small creek meandering through them. All of this area peaceful, except inside her mind. Last night, in the heart of the Colony, Kingly told her that she needed to prepare a speech for Aris’s ordination. He argued that since she did the last speech she would do a much better job than he could. Not that she minded really, but it wasn’t her responsibility. She loudly told him so. Early that morning she left the Colony without a word and marched up the hill to the only place where she could find peace. Most of the people didn’t know where she went and she preferred it that way. She pulled out a black recorder flipped it and jabbed a button.

Version B:

Addy decided that she needed to punch her superior officer in the nose. Except he’d probably send her to some place worse than this. Then he would bring her back here, since he needed her military knowledge. As much as she loved Golgoth, she could not stand its leadership, more specifically, Kingly. Not that she would ever publicly admit that of course, a commander never does such things. She almost wished she wasn’t the Commander of Golgoth. She peered at her hourglass, time to make her rounds, and defend the remaining personnel of Golgoth.
She walked towards the door of the holograph, and smiled slightly.
“Door Open.” Nothing. Not that it mattered a bit of magic would get it to open “Releasta”
The door slid open, and she marched towards her destination. Her black eyes narrowed and she still smelled the smoke from last night’s aborted celebration. Someone forgot to put out the fire pit, and the whole of Golgoth would stink of burnt pig. She began her daily march around the area. The sentries could time their hourglasses by her schedule. She marched to the farthest point in Golgoth, only to discern something amiss.
The shields glowed the sapphire blue, and here and there she could discern the ruins of Gethseme. She saw some shadows there and for a moment thought that they were human figures looking for a way in. Then nothing. Her imagination running away with hope. There was not enough hope these days. She looked up at the rocks above looking for cracks that signalled an attack from above. Nothing. The inverted spikes the threaten to fall
No sentries. Two unguarded, boarded up boltholes. The wooden boards holding back the demons unguarded. She was going to find those two sentries and write them up, no too much paperwork, she’d hang them. More fun that way.

Now between Version A and B which do you think is the first draft and the second and which do you like better?

My Question for you today is this: What is important in getting a first draft done and a second draft done?


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